Blog | Maureen Cary Counseling | Wellesley, MA 02482

How to Help Your Child Deal with Their Anger

Many parents believe in the same myth: if they do everything right, their children will be happy. But that’s not how childhood works. No matter how much you love your child or how much you give to them in the way of attention and material items, kids are still going to experience all kinds of emotions, including anger.

While childhood is filled with fun and wonder, it is also a time when children often feel a lack of independence, scared, and confused by the world around them. These feelings, combined with growing pains, an increase in hormones and the pressure of doing well in school and extra-curricular activities, quite naturally leads to frustration and anger.

Here are some ways to help your child deal with their anger:

Recognize it’s Normal and Healthy

You can’t help your child if you see them as Damien from “The Omen.” The feeling of anger is completely normal and natural for human beings of all ages to experience. Approach your child with this attitude. Your job is not to STOP them from feeling anger, it’s to help them process their anger in constructive, not destructive, ways.

Stay Calm

If only your child chose to be angry on the days you didn’t have a fight with a coworker and then were stuck in traffic on the way home for an hour and a half. It’s important to remain calm when your child is having an anger fit, even on those days you feel like blowing your own top. This will not only help keep the situation under control, it will also teach them through action how to control their own emotions as they grow and develop.

Validate Your Child’s Anger

Never tell your child they shouldn’t feel something they are feeling. If they are feeling frustrated and angry, chances are there is a very good reason for it. So validate their anger. This can be as simple as saying, “You seem very upset right now,” instead of saying, “Hey, calm down, there’s no reason to get so angry.” Validating their feelings will help them identify their emotions and not feel bad or ashamed of them.

Help Them Release Their Energy

Help your child deal with their anger in positive ways instead of negative ways. Very young children may want to draw their anger. Older children may want to run around in the back yard. Teenagers may want to lift weights to get that energy out. Squeezing stress balls and bubble wrap is a fun way to get the anger out and it often ends in everyone having a good laugh.

Feeling anger is a natural part of life. Don’t make your child feel bad for their anger and don’t feel like you’ve somehow failed as a parent because your child experiences anger. Anger just is and we all have to learn to process it in healthy ways.

Some kids have more anger than others. In the case of a divorce or sudden death of a parent, a child may be dealing with the kind of anger that requires professional counseling. If you or someone you know has a child with extreme anger issues and would like to explore treatment options, please be in touch. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.

5 Free Ways to Improve Your Mental Health

When we talk about our mental health, we’re talking about much more than a clinical diagnosis. Your mental health also refers to your psychological well-being. Having a healthy psychological well-being means you’re able to better manage your emotions as well as your mood. Every day presents its unique challenges, and a healthy mental state can help you take challenges in stride.

1. Positive Affirmations

Repeating an affirmation can help you create a positive mental outlook that will be a driving force in your life. Use a search engine to look up “positive affirmations” and you’ll find several ideas of words and phrases that resonate with you, and things you struggle with. You can also try searching for something more specific, such as “positive affirmations for women” or “positive affirmations to improve self esteem”.

Repeat your phrase or phrases during meditation, either out loud or in your mind. Repeating affirmations or mantras during consistent meditation practices can help you overcome negative self-talk, which will greatly improve your mental health.

2. Gratitude

Practicing gratitude will sharpen your attention towards the positive aspects of your life. By focusing on what’s good, you’ll start to notice and appreciate other positive things in your life. Gratitude is more than just a feeling; it is a choice. By choosing to be grateful, you can keep your mind distracted from negative thoughts.

3. Eat Healthy

Eating healthy is a vital part of positive mental health. Eating a balanced diet of fruits, vegetables, lean protein and whole grains will slowly release energy into your bloodstream, creating a consistent level of energy that won’t leave you feeling tired or sluggish. Eating healthy will also provide a mental boost because you’ll feel good about your healthy food choices.

4. Sunshine

Sunshine is a great way to boost your mood. Put on some comfortable walking shoes and take a leisurely walk around your neighborhood, or a local park. Exposure to sunlight will help your brain release serotonin which will boost your mood, and help you feel more calm and focused.

5. Get Some Sleep

A good night’s sleep is a vital part of a healthy lifestyle. When you’re well rested, you’re naturally energized. Regular sleep also boosts your immune system as well as your cognitive and mental health.

You have the power to improve your mood. By making some healthy additions to your daily routines, you can develop regular habits that will improve your overall mental well-being.

Are you having trouble staying positive or managing your moods? A licensed mental health professional can help you find better coping strategies, and offer additional support and guidance to help you live a more balanced life. Call my office today, and let’s schedule a time to talk.

Nutrition and Your Mental Health

Your brain is a machine that’s running 24/7, and it depends on fuel; just like a car, high-quality fuel is better for the engine. Because the brain is so hard-working, it’s highly metabolic, and its function is based on the types of food you eat.

The emerging field of nutritional psychiatry has revealed that the quality of our food contributes to the state of our mental health. Much in the way food affects cardiovascular and intestinal health, it also affects mental health.

Food Fuels Your Brain

Your brain uses the protein, vitamins and other nutrients you consume to form the building blocks of its neurotransmitters. Neurotransmitters are the body’s chemical messengers; they play an important role in your motivation, energy and mood.

Serotonin, for example, is one of the brain’s major neurotransmitters. One of serotonin’s many functions is to regulate your mood, and 90% of it is produced in your gastrointestinal tract. This is just one example of how the function of your brain is highly influenced by the types of food you eat.

The Best Food for Your Mental Health

Studies show that diets rich in plant foods can reduce the risk of depression. In 2014, researchers at the University of Patras conducted a study that showed the Mediterranean diet, a diet that encourages daily consumption of vegetables, fruits, whole grains and healthy fats and completely excludes processed foods, reduces the risk of depression.

B Vitamins

Salmon, leafy greens, legumes, yogurt and sunflower seeds are among some of the foods that are high in vitamin B.

Omega-3

Omega-3 fatty acids have anti-inflammatory properties in them, and they effect the transmission of dopamine and serotonin, which help to stabilize moods. Omega-3 foods include salmon, walnuts, soybeans and chia seeds.

Probiotics and Prebiotics

Probiotics and prebiotics are another essential source of nutrients for your body. Probiotics are live bacteria and yeast that are beneficial for your health and your digestive system in particular. Prebiotics are a type of dietary fiber that feeds your good gut bacteria. Gut bacteria works as a defense layer for your immune system, preventing the flow of bad toxins that can enter the blood.

Fermented foods are a good source for probiotics. Foods such as yogurt, kefir, sauerkraut, kimchi, miso and tempeh are all fermented foods that can help boost the body’s own natural bacteria. Prebiotic foods include foods such as asparagus, bananas, onion, garlic, apples and oats.

There’s a wide variety of nutritious foods that are beneficial for your body and mind. Use this list as a guide to start improving your nutrition for the benefit of your mental health.

If you’re struggling with a mood disorder and need guidance and support, a licensed professional can help. Contact my office today so we can set up a time to talk.

5 Ways to Get Your Teenager to Talk to You

It’s tough trying to get your teen to talk. Science has shown that the teenager’s brain has yet to fully develop the frontal cortex, which is the area that controls our ability to reason, and to think before we act. As your teen’s brain develops, they’re also learning new things about themselves and their surrounding world; simultaneously, they’re dealing with hormonal changes out of their control.

For all of these reasons and more, it can be difficult to find ways to talk to your teen, or to get them to talk to you. Although it’s difficult, it’s not impossible; read on to find five ways to get your teenager to talk to you.

Learn to Listen

Take the time to listen to your teenager when they want to talk. Instead of saying you’ll talk to them later, step away from what you’re doing and listen to what they have to say. Don’t talk, interrupt or be quick to offer advice; just listen. Kids have thoughts and experiences that their parents don’t know about, and the best time to listen to them is when they’re asking to talk to you.

Put Yourself in Their Shoes

As you listen to your teen, your knee jerk response may be to quickly resolve their issue, offer advice or maybe even dismiss their complaints or opinions. Put yourself in your teen’s shoes; think about how you would feel if your spouse responded to you the way you respond to them.

Watch for Signs

Everyone has a desire to be heard and understood. As you talk to your teen, mirror back to them what you hear them saying. Watch for signs that they’re not being heard or understood by you. They might roll their eyes, shake their head, wave their hand at you or interrupt. When they’re nodding and/or silent, you’ll know you’ve understood.

Ask Specific Questions

Ask your teen specific questions rather than general “how was your day?” questions. Ask questions about a friend you know by name. Ask about a sport they participate in or a teacher they like. Ask open ended questions such as, “What was Mr. Burton’s class like today?”, or “What was the best thing that happened today? What was the worst thing?”

Location, Location, Location

When and where you try to talk to your teen matters. One of the worst times to talk to kids is after school. Just like you do after work, they need wind-down time. Instead, ask questions around the dinner table. It’s casual, and there’s no pressure for eye contact. The car is another great place to talk to your teen (unless their friends are in the back seat); they feel more comfortable because you’re not looking at them.

If you’re having difficulty communicating with your teenager and need some help and guidance, a licensed mental health professional can help. Call my office today and let’s set up a time to talk.